Maybe You've Never Seen Me Ride a Bike Drunk...

...But it's funny and I give it two thumbs WAY, WAY UP!

I'm getting drunk right now.

Not too drunk, mind you, but nice and..... how you say.... tipsing?

Yes, tipsing. I'm am getting to there.

Sooooo..... you know what that means: BEST BLOG EVAAAH!!!!

"How many followers do you have?"

"Um... one...?"

"Then it's not teh best blog "evaaah", is it?"

HEY ASSHOLE, GIVE THIS A TINK: IT'S NOT THE QUANTITY IT'S THE GODDAMN QUALITY SO GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A RAILROAD TIE!!!

AND SHUT UP!!!

Very peaceful. I am a girl of extreme peace, really, characterized best by the unrelenting moderation that rules my life. No need to go overboard, that's my motto.

By the way, to all you grimacers out there: grimacing does not make the alcohol taste less bad or go down easier. It just makes you look like you're in pain.

Ah! The firewater! It burns! The white man, in all his shrewd cunning, has fooled us yet again! We shall empty this firewater to the earth and never speak of it or taste nor have anything to do with it again! It is dead to us!

FIREWATER SHALL NEVER TOUCH THE LIPS OF A CHILD-OF-THE-EARTH EVER AGAIN.

..............

Well, that went well. Way to go, Indians. Way to do it right.

You know, in the Indian Food Pyramid, as designated by the American Indian Food and Drug Association for True Originators (Not the White Man, Dammit), Firewater (ethyl alcohol) is at the very base, the core, if you will, of the diet. 

Followed by maize. 

Followed by gambling.

The AIFDATO(NWMD) does, however, recommend that one limit one's intake of sweets, due to the abysmal dental care afforded to residents of reservations, where ALL Indians must live, 100% of the time, no excuses.

Red Bull and vodka together are terrible. It was the only thing I had, tho. I normally don't drink vodka by itself unless I'm already shitfaced anyway or I feel like being shitfaced or maybe I just like the taste of vodka.

I like Stoli. It burns so good.

Grey Goose is better, so smooth.

Jewel of Russia is a bitch to get a hold of, but when you can, it's far and away the best. Everyone says Putinka, I say it tastes like Fascism.

You like to drink Fascism?

Me neither.

My back hurts and I am miserable, but I only know it when I'm drunk.

I cut myself on the face. It gives me a satisfaction that's not sexual or control-related.

It is grounding, I guess.

Eat a ham, bastards.