Le Salade Bar

Jaraaaaaaaaaaaa why you hafta go, son?!

Man, I miss you. I know I'm mean n hateful n tactless but I still has tender feelings somewheres and they're mostly for you n my fam.

I miss you sleeping in my bed and wallowing the covers and the sheets so that the bed is ruined. I miss wakin up slow next to you because you hold me n make me feel even more comfy than before.

I will miss you when you're in Florence.

You must eat tons of cookie crisp in my stead.

I'm trying (again) for a dumb job at dumb B&N who never hires me. They will pay dearly for their transgression. Especially when they see I'm from SCAD, cuz we has a contract.

Its 21:00 hours and I'm already bored and tired and miserably lonely.

At least I has a hoooookah.

And Ted Bundy. Whoever thought that he would be a comfort?

Stranglehold by Ted Nugent: that's my Ted Bundy song. It is sooo like... creepy in a way. Omg, it's a great song tho. My mom loves it, I kid you not.

Listen, how much is 6 pints?

Is it like... a quart and a half? Is that bad? I mean, to drink that much beer..?

I dunno man. I just know that I did and shits not done, so I has a probrem. You know?

I need more beer, more vodka, more somefing!!

I'm eatin a CowPals Colby Jack cheese snack from Kroger.

Ok. Kroger makes THE BEST string cheese I have ever had in my life. Its almost.... buttery, man. Their sharp cheddar is sharp, they got the jackest Jack around...

THATS NOT MY NAME!!!

THATS NOT MY NAME.... ame... ame........

..... not about looks like if she were a pornstar cuz she doesnt look like one. its about being unknown and people guessing at her name because shes sooo..... um....

.... no one knows her.

I am sickened to my core by that OBscene sack of hotdogs!!

Would I keep on hiking up my skirt?

I'm hungry, I'm dirty, I'm losin' my mind

EVERYTHING'S FIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, I enjoy being friends with Jara. He's a hard guy to know and theres a lot of ups n downs but he's a great guy. He's so interesting to know. He brings a lot to the table, you know?

I mean, everyone thinks he's great but they don't know the true extent. That's not to say that I'M not great, but he's really something special. Maybe only to scorpios. Cuz so far, the only people that want him back are scorpios.

I'd take him back in a heartbeat but I'd prolly be a bitch and drive him away again, you know? I wish I could be the one he wanted, but I'm just not. Being an extra-good friend is ok with me, I suppose.

But I miss that.... that possession. I mean, he was MY boyfriend but I kept driving him away and I know it. It just got to the point where nothing was not a fight. And that's wrong.

Thats bad because I really love him and I didn't wanna treat him that way. But I just had to be an asshole.

Whatever.

At least we're still friends. That's comforting.

I hope he finds Loki. He stole him, but it would be devastating if he didn't get him back. He's just being a Bad Kitty right nao.

XD

Love ya,

Caroline

Richard Ramirez?! Lamest Serial Killer Ever

Omg do you know how many victims Elizabeth Bathory killed?

It was like 800.

Richard Ramirez?

14.

Thanks, Ricky. Way to make it happen.

That and, oh wait, didn't he shoot his victims? Isn't that a little impersonal? Aren't serial killers supposed to be all about the up-close-n-personal killings?

I think he was and is trying too hard. 

He's my least-respected serial killer.

Go cry some, Ramirez.

You are LAME.

Serial Killahs

Ok. I think I understand that things are simpler than others think they are.

First things first: the ladies. 

All the experts think that there has to be some aggression, some hatred even, towards women collectively for serial killers to target them and I believe that this is erroneous. Serial killers that target women are straight: they are turned on by women. They like to see women in those situations because women are attractive to them then. They have types, not because of a hatred towards a certain individual, but because everyone has a type; some people prefer redheads, some brunettes, long hair, short hair, athletic, etc. No one prefers blondes. Simple, right?

I mean, what about John Wayne Gacy? Did he have a hatred for boys? No, he was a homosexual. A reluctant one, this is true, but whatever. Jeff Dahmer? He killed guys. He liked guys, dammit. No hatred, just sexual attraction.

And now arrogance. I think that a lot of the time certain crime scenes, certain environments are labelled as taunting or criticizing related individuals, such as with BTK and that church that he attended being a crime scene. I think it was a familiar haunt. He went there all the time. Since he was branching out of his normal MO, it would only make sense to retain that one instance of comfort amidst all the newness.

Sure, they're taunting, arrogant people, but I think sometimes people are too quick to shift them into a psychological category rather than really understand them.

They're people, guys. It's just that somewhere, somehow, their basic wants and needs as human beings got distorted and confused.

I mean, haven't you ever been so angry at someone that you really thought, I mean really thought, about killing them? It doesn't make you bad. I mean damn, I had a Kill List in middle school.

Middle school was awful, btw, and I always hoped those guys from Columbine would shoot up my school and if I went first, hey, I wasn't suffering anymore.

It surely does give you a feeling of power, man. Of control. But those were just thoughts- fantasies, if you will, that would never cross that threshold into reality.

I don't think that just thinking those thoughts and linking them with sex will a serial killer make.

I, for instance, do not find it sexually stimulating to think of killing. Actually, it's quite a turn-off. It cannot be a forced association. You can't see it enough to find it exciting unless you already had a predisposition for it.

Born with it, maybe.

I don't know. I'm no expert on it and thank God for that because I'd be terrible at it.

w000000t!

KOKOSHNIIIIIIIK!

WOOOOOHOOOOOOO YEAH MAN!!!

I got my KOKOSHNIK today and its ON MY HEAD AS WE SPEAK!!!!

Omgitssocool.

See? I look like a moron here, but really I look awesome.

OmgOmgOmg.

You're not supposed to wear it this way, traditionally, but I'm too excited for tradition.

Plus that ribbon looks super cute on my neck

XD

Hate-filled Steak

You know, there was a time once where an individual pressured me into going over to take some fresh baked cookies over to a friend's house.

This "friend" was some girl that I did not know and had no intention of getting to know.

The individual that I was with was very excited. He was unsubtly trying to use my presence to get her interested in him, enough to go on a date.

That's great, all good, except that I was currently this individual's girlfriend.

She was not there.

I haven't forgotten that moment of blatant, unrefined manipulation. It was clumsy and poorly staged, to say the least, starting with the this would mean a lot to me if you'd come with me routine, which I don't care about.

I've been manipulated by the best all my life and I hardly think an amateur has the skill required to achieve the desired effect.

I was filled with a cruel, sarcastic satisfaction when she did not have any interest at all in him, and he eventually humiliated himself trying to ingratiate himself to her.

It was extremely amusing to me, although I'm worried as to why.

Why is that how I feel when people, even ones that I love, try to cross me?

I'm not even sure how a normal girl would have reacted to this.

I don't understand how to make a relationship work. This individual also doesn't understand, I know, but he thinks he does, and I think that's much worse.

He's very confident in his relationship skillz.

Whatever.

Why, though, why? It's not natural and sometimes it feels so wrong.... but I can't do anything but be cruel. It's amusing.

But I was hurt, too, and no one seemed to get it. Why are you taking me? Why do I have to watch you cheat on me? It's not enough that I know you do it, now I have to watch it? What the fuck am I to you, nothing? Worthy of no respect? Of no human decency and courtesy? 

I was crushed and hurt and confused and it manifested as anger and cruelty and hatred.

In any case, the girl was deported, for which I had the last laugh, and now I'm making something of myself while she is drowning in poverty and probably a venereal disease.

I feel so much better nao!

Man I Blog This Shit Way Too Much

Hey.

Drunk again, because I have a PROBREM that no one, least of all me, wants to address.

I know I wrote 'probrem' so SHUTTUP you goddamn prestupnik.

Don't talk to me!

Don't talk to me, criminal!

Heehee. Transformers. Always a good decision.

I wanna go to sleep but my bed is so cold. And lonely. And devoid of emotion. And prolly full of bed bugs because it's a dorm bed and you know how that is.

Ugh. Foreign Individual Sex Juice.

On MY bed, no less!! As if they knew I would be coming in next to be thoroughly disgusted by it! By the thought of it!

Ugh. Truly horrific.

I had a goddamn time opening that can of Skettios without a can opener, though. Like, the top's all bent up and in like a star shape....

My room mate's name is Alistair.

What a cool fucking name.

Well, that top could hurt somebody, namely me. Boy, I'll be so mad if that shit even touches me, man, I'll fling that shit right off the balcony.

Kill some sad motherfucker with a poorly opened can of Spaghettios.

Spaghettios: The Siwent Kiwwah.

Heh heh heh speech impediments.

I never had one. I don't think any of the girls I knew did. All the boys did, tho, but I thought they were from oft, so I didn't think it was weird.

You know that chili from Wendy's? Ok, man, they have this like hot sauce stuff specifically for the chili and it is God's Prophet to the Sauce Community.

That's how good it tastes. Mmmmmmm! That shit's so good!

What the hell is it?! Man, I don't know, but I would hate to live without it.

Damn stuff has crack cocaine in it, I bet. That's why I keep wanting it all the damn time. It might be. actually, because I has no money and I want EVERYTHING all the damn time when I has no monies.

Well I'm going to go to sleep nao.

Byeeeeeeee! ^-^

Kokoshnik 100%!

Yeah, I got it, but it's at the package center and they are appointment only on Saturdays. AAARGH!! CURSE YOU PACKAGE CENTER!!!

They TEASE me with solicitous emails- your package is here, you package is here, come'n get it!!- Only they KNOW I can't because they're APPOINTMENT ONLY today!!

I!

WANT!

MY!

KOKOSHNIK!!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

*Does the Run-Cry, trips, and falls on the ground, sobbing*

*Prolly kicking the air too*

*Maybe doing the Angry-Chirping sound*

Well, and whatever, you know?

I want like twix or something, but I has no monies, so I think I'ma head on up to the SCAD convenience store n get one.

My kokoshnik is red and gold and ribbony, I believe, and it will certainly be great.

Jara can see it in person if he wants. I think he's not talkin to me on purpose, but he's prolly really at work, and he says he loves me and that makes me smile.

Emo Post- 1 in a Million

You know it already: pain, misery, sadness, confusion, endless nights, daylight that comes too soon, all that bullshit.

I'm not talking about any of it.

I'm talking about shame and lack of self-worth.

And addiction.

Not to something else, it's exactly what you think it is- drugs.

Drugs are so pathetic. They make you pathetic. Sure, they lessen everything, but those are also the good things that are lessened.

I am pathetic. I huff inhalants. I pop pills. I smoke weed. Once an addict, always an addict.

Weed is a drug. It's not the drug itself that forms the addiction, it's the high. The high is addictive. It makes you go searching.

I like opiates the best. I like to not care and be chill and slur my words. I like to laugh at things that aren't funny.

Inhalants are, by a large stretch, the worst, most useless drug ever, but its all I have.

I feel sick when I look at myself in the mirror. If my mom knew, she wouldn't speak to me.

You have never known this low. This level of patheticness.

This is disgusting.

Why do I do this if I know how bad and idiotic it is?

I hate myself like I have never hated another person.

If I had a gun, I'd take myself out first.

Well, maybe second, after Michael Moore, the fuckin dumbass.

He's such a fat faggot.

i'm drunk nao

i'm drunk and nobody cares.

i speak russian to myself.

i am ashamed to know it. it is an axis language.

english gets harder when i'm drunk. when i am russian-drunk, i am russian. english is negligable at that stage an i'm gettin there.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO SPEAK ENGLISH

people think im an asshole when i correct them, but i mean i am, but also i dont wanna get english-stupid. it is very hard for me n thats why im respecting it so much.

FUCK you

where are you when i need you.

how can you post stories on blogs anyway.

i havent any socks, good sir.

i will write a book: a collection of drunk essays by yours truly.

you owe me. i will never speak russian to you. you cant take it and i dont want you and that connected. i do not like to speak it when im around you. it feels tried. it feels tired. it feels forced and clichéd.

i cannot tell you i love you because you wont hear me saying it.

i can say 'elves' to you,

but i'd much rather you said it for yourself.

thtas from the wall, a poem by so and so.

LOOK IT UP

but seriously: stories? i used to read harry potter fanfics and sometimes i still do. they can get quite smutty but for some reason i no longer appreciate the smuttiness. i like the honest frienfship better n maybe its cuz ive had the sex now i wantr the friends.

you were never good enough.

i have a friend whose dad, in the figurative sense, makes me cackle gleefully. this guy is hellbent on ruining his kids' lives, but to what end? amusement? i mean, i can see that, but its just not that amusing cuz it reflects on him. it intensifies his incompetency. 

but really it seems that he always has some crushing comeback when the kids talk about him; look dad, i made you some pancakes. 

these pancakes are thin.

.........

(silent tears)

you were never good enough.

OMG i would laugh my ass off if MY dad said that cuz if IM not good enough, who tha hell IS, right?!

i'm so money.

HvsZ in progress!

Maybe You've Never Seen Me Ride a Bike Drunk...

...But it's funny and I give it two thumbs WAY, WAY UP!

I'm getting drunk right now.

Not too drunk, mind you, but nice and..... how you say.... tipsing?

Yes, tipsing. I'm am getting to there.

Sooooo..... you know what that means: BEST BLOG EVAAAH!!!!

"How many followers do you have?"

"Um... one...?"

"Then it's not teh best blog "evaaah", is it?"

HEY ASSHOLE, GIVE THIS A TINK: IT'S NOT THE QUANTITY IT'S THE GODDAMN QUALITY SO GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A RAILROAD TIE!!!

AND SHUT UP!!!

Very peaceful. I am a girl of extreme peace, really, characterized best by the unrelenting moderation that rules my life. No need to go overboard, that's my motto.

By the way, to all you grimacers out there: grimacing does not make the alcohol taste less bad or go down easier. It just makes you look like you're in pain.

Ah! The firewater! It burns! The white man, in all his shrewd cunning, has fooled us yet again! We shall empty this firewater to the earth and never speak of it or taste nor have anything to do with it again! It is dead to us!

FIREWATER SHALL NEVER TOUCH THE LIPS OF A CHILD-OF-THE-EARTH EVER AGAIN.

..............

Well, that went well. Way to go, Indians. Way to do it right.

You know, in the Indian Food Pyramid, as designated by the American Indian Food and Drug Association for True Originators (Not the White Man, Dammit), Firewater (ethyl alcohol) is at the very base, the core, if you will, of the diet. 

Followed by maize. 

Followed by gambling.

The AIFDATO(NWMD) does, however, recommend that one limit one's intake of sweets, due to the abysmal dental care afforded to residents of reservations, where ALL Indians must live, 100% of the time, no excuses.

Red Bull and vodka together are terrible. It was the only thing I had, tho. I normally don't drink vodka by itself unless I'm already shitfaced anyway or I feel like being shitfaced or maybe I just like the taste of vodka.

I like Stoli. It burns so good.

Grey Goose is better, so smooth.

Jewel of Russia is a bitch to get a hold of, but when you can, it's far and away the best. Everyone says Putinka, I say it tastes like Fascism.

You like to drink Fascism?

Me neither.

My back hurts and I am miserable, but I only know it when I'm drunk.

I cut myself on the face. It gives me a satisfaction that's not sexual or control-related.

It is grounding, I guess.

Eat a ham, bastards.

Édith Piaf!

And when you speak, angels sing from above. 

Everyday words seem to turn into love songs!

Pardon me. I loves teh Edith Piaf. She great. You bow to meeee nao.

Kthnxbai.

Gouache, James Gouache

Hey, dicks.

So my dad gives me 60 bucks for fuckin' gouache, right? I say, hey, that's more than enough! That's gouache and a meal left over! And maybe a drink (white mocha, small, shot of hazelnut) and a cupcake!

Ah, foolish me.

That BULLSHIT cost me $54.97!!!

I am flabbergasted!! Who tha fuck you think I is?! Warren Buffet?!

Omg, and I bought only what I needed!! 5 miniscule tubes of gouache, Value Pak brush set, paint canisters and a 79¢ palette knife.

$54.97 for that bullshit.

No meal, no cupcake, no fancy drink.

Just bullshit.

The paint canisters I got are super!cute tho.

A certain someone better come and see me. If he comes around the 23, we can see From Russia, With Love in Forsyth. That's the best and baddest James Bond film. That man is bustin haters heads with a damn VENGEANCE in that film, dude.

That cat's forreal.

Plus, and let me stress this, killer Russian women. Literally.

Here is a six-word story, courtesy of Ernest Hemmingway: Baby shoes. For sale, Never used.

:D

The Bundy: Cooler than Anastasya Syndrome, Hotter than Fiyah

So, I've gotten a lot of emails from you guys saying, "Bun, who IS that in your profile picture?"

Well, mom, it's Ted Bundy.

Only THE WORLD'S BEST picture of him. Look at that composition! That value range! The angle! The focal point! It's all so good.

I kid. No one emailed me.

But whatever. I have the blog about nothing.

At least MY dad doesn't have another family in the Ukraine. I laugh at your poorly expressed pain! I feel great, in stark contrast! :D

They're in Kentuck. Heh heh.

My dad can beat up everyone else's dad. He's the locomotive of the human species. His hands are made out of 20 pound hammers. He kills with laser vision. Your dad could never measure up, foooool.

Don't kid yourself.

Follow me. I am your leader.

Doesn't that sound creepy? "Follow this Person!" Hmm.

Ted Bundy was a serial killer. As far as we know, he killed like 32 women, but it was probably more than that, because he kept hinting that it was. 

He's kind of a funny guy, in a twisted sense, because here's this obvious  killer/mutilator/rapist and he's telling this funny story about how he just had to have this decorative tree, so he stole it in the middle of the day and drove off with it sticking out of the sunroof of his VW Bug.

No one even attempted to catch him.

It was hilarious.

The people who are least likely to go to counseling are the ones that really need it, I should think.

I'm tired.

What you know about that?!

Hey.

You ever tried to collage?!

IT'S AWFUL!!!!

FUCK your collages, man!!! Omg, I coulda just....died from the....ugh.

Have some human decency!

I am exhausted because of that stooooooopid fuckin thing! Ugh!!

Its a goddamn hazard.

You couldn't do it. Go back to your emo hole!! I don't need your sass!

Go listen to your FAVORITE BAND Death Cab for Cutie!

I love them, actually. 

XD

Who tha fuck you think you fuckin wit I'm tha fuckin BOSS

hahaha I'm white :)

Martian Landscape

My folks came down for Easter and we went to Latin Mass.

I don't speak Latin.

I looked so cute. I had my Stuart Weitzmans on and my BCBGMaxAzria dress that I love so much.... Oh and that huge floppy black hat that I bought. 

All the boys loved me.

You know, speaking of great hats, I once spent a lot of money on a hat for a good friend that he carelessly lost and was summarily not sorry for it. It makes me mad and hurts my feelings. If ANASTASYA had bought him that hat, he would have treasured it immensely. 

There is so much inexpressible rage in me.

I don't want him to be defensive or anything, but that god damned hat.

I can't forget it. 

Sure, you could replace the hat, but its the "Oh well, it was a piece of shit anyway" attitude that makes me want to smash his head to pulpy bits with a crowbar.

I love the dude anyway tho.

I'm so tired and I have this goddamn collage due tomorrow @ 11 and..... man, collages mess with your MIND dude.

No matter how good it is, all I see is paper...

I'm excited about the motif project tho. I've been thinking about that instead.

I forgot. I has a mini fridge, a hookah and a fish named Nikolai. After Nikolai Tesla, the Godfather of Electricity.

Making Ends Meaty

What does that even mean? Even I don't know.

My dorm is cold and beige, the most heinous of all colours.

Why beige? Why not a deep, supple red or a mind-obliterating fuschia?

Fyoosha. Heh heh.

I dye my hair, my hair dies.

You bleach, I SEENT IT.

I seent it.

Anyway, I hate Savannah. Nothing is as good as Charleston here. "Sister City" my ass, bitches!! What the fuck, man, this place sucks so hard... I mean if I were a guy it'd be alright XD

...But FUCK YOU because I'm not a guy so I hate it. Everyones sooo fuckin smug here that I wanna vomit my heart out and stab it for some merciful relief.

I have taken up cutting myself, on purpose, mind you, with an xacto knife. It makes my ex-bf sad, and that makes me a strange happy.

I want to stop, but I can't, for reasons unknown. It's not an emo cutting, its a "this feels strangely good in a way that makes me cringe because it means I'm fucked up" cutting.

Fuck you.

I like serial killers, but only in the study, not the experience.

My music is awesome, but yours is shitty. 

Take it and love it.

I love JTHM. I used to be gothy, but I'm All-American now! I've been reformed! I wear black girl jeans even tho I'm grungy white.

I have a big ass, apparently, so white girl jeans are a joke to me.

My hair, also, has no lustre.

I draw. Poorly. I go to college for it but, again, I'm bad.

Bad.....ASS!!!!

Drink BRAWNDO: THE THIRST MUTILATOR.

I live in the waking state, but not the conscious one XD

.....wtf?

P.S. I curse with frequency. High frequency.